Something Silly This Way Comes
by Dobby's Socks
Summary: Harry has returned to the future with no clue that the mess he has left behind for those in the past will need a lot of pranks, close calls, and frights to unentangle itself. Sequel to Prongs and Evans: Take Two, SLIGHTLY AU, written before DH.
1. Chapter 1: DoGooderChickenMinons

**Hey! We're back, with the prequel to the sequel!! Watch as chaos runs rampant! Literally!**

**Chapter One:**

**Do-Gooder-Chicken-Minions**

"Now, I know I asked you to find me a new hideout, but this is even smaller than the last!" the Dark Lord Voldemort exclaimed to his followers while sitting on a toilet in a bathroom stall. "Couldn't we at least knock down the walls in between to give me more space? I can't even fit my desk in here!" All of Voldemort's possessions sat in a pile out by the sinks.

"My lord, it is more secretive; nobody comes in here," Narcissa replied bowing her head. Voldemort's eyebrows shot up.

"Why?" the Slytherins all looked around each other until finally Lucius spoke.

"It is Moaning Myrtle's bathroom," the Dark Lord's eyes widened fearfully.

"Moaning…Myrtle?" he managed to whisper. Just then, a silvery figure of a girl floated past sniffling and moaning **(A/N: Obviously.)**. She took one glance at Voldemort and began to scream and wail louder.

"You threw your diary at me! And you're a boy. Boys are not allowed in here! Go away and leave me to my death in peace!" she shrieked and began to fly at Voldemort. He in turn screamed and began to run.

"Out of my way! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" He burst through the door and ran down the hallway bellowing. Unfortunately for him, he ran right past Dumbledore who was on his evening stroll.

"Oh dear," he said watching Voldemort round the corner into the stairwell with Myrtle in pursuit. "It does appear that we have a problem…"

OoO

"Peter," said James quietly, "we have a problem." Peter Pettigrew sat gagged and bound from head to foot by assorted laundry from the room on his bed. Sweat beads were pouring down his forehead. Sirius was holding a beater's bat and Remus was finishing tying Peter to one of the poles on his bed.

"We can't let you do this Peter," Sirius venomously stated. "For that, we are placing you under Marauder Probation."

"What's Marauder Probation?" squeaked Peter in terror through Sirius's underwear.

"It means you don't get special Marauder privileges until you prove yourself trustful and worthy again," quoted James from the Marauder Handbook. He looked at the rather clean page, for Marauder Probation had only been created yesterday. The rest of the pages were battered and filthy. They contained rules (from Remus; he said the Marauders had to follow some sorts of rules) and victories (mostly victories; James and Sirius used the Handbook to record their greatest pranks, to Remus's dismay) from the past seven years.

"But Peter," asked Remus, "why would you betray us in the first place?"

Peter put on the most pathetic face he could conjure. "They made me. I didn't want to, but the Slytherins said they would hurt me if I didn't help them. I'm really sorry, guys." The three Marauders looked around at each other.

Then James responded, "We'll take care of the Slytherins, Peter. Just tell us next time they threaten you. But, it will have to wait for tomorrow because I have to go on patrol now."

"Me too," said Remus standing up. He grabbed two badges sitting on one of the end tables and chucked one at James. James caught it in a fluid movement and pinned it to his shirt as Sirius stared at the two in disgust. Sirius hated prefects, and especially the Head Boy, ever since he had come to Hogwarts. This was the result from an incident in first year that had resulted in Sirius having a set curfew for the rest of his Hogwarts career. It really bothered him that his friends were now the ones to enforce this rule. "Go to bed, Sirius," Remus confirmed his friend's nighttime routine.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius muttered turning out the lights in the dorm. "Hey, Pete," Sirius asked drowsily, "where do you think Frank is?" Frank Longbottom was the Marauders unfortunate dorm mate, who spent as little time as possible in the dorm to avoid being caught up in one of the Marauder's schemes.

"I dunno," Peter yawned turning to talk to Sirius. "Maybe he was hungry?"

"Sure, Pete, sure," Sirius grumbled. He really needed to get McGonagall to lift the curfew thing. The first years were still up and he was the only one forced to go to bed.

OoO

Lily really had disliked patrolling at the beginning of the year for one reason: she had to patrol with James. However, since they were now on more friendly terms, it was not too bad, but really awkward. Neither of them really knew what to say. Tonight, their discussion was about this Voldemort person the wizarding news was raging about.

"My dad thinks the Ministry isn't paying enough attention to this 'Crazy-V-Guy' to put it in his words. I told him just to say Voldemort, but he says the name is too hard to say. My mom told us just to say 'You-Know-Who' but I still get all confused about it because my dad still calls him Crazy-V-Guy," ranted James.

Lily laughed a bit at the last part. Mr. Potter certainly did have the strangest phrases in all of Wizarding England. "I agree. Just look at the headlines today and you can see that he is not someone to mess around with. He only destroyed an entire bus and all the people inside it."

"I bet he's not as scary as he seems. If I ever had the chance I'd tell him a thing or two," James retorted.

"I don't know about that, James," he looked shocked and angry so she quickly added, "I'm not saying I'd join him or anything," he nodded.

"Me neither," Just then, a bald, white-faced man, who did not have a nose, or rather slits for them, and red eyes like cats came running down the hallway towards them. He looked frantic and almost like he was trying to hide from someone. Then the students heard hurrying footsteps from the way he had come. The man dived and hid behind Lily.

"Quick! Hide me, minions!" James and Lily were stunned and whirled around to face him.

"What?" James asked, while Lily questioned, "Who are you?" The man drew himself up tall and said with dignity,

"I am the Dark Lord," James scratched his head, puzzled.

"Who?" The man, or Dark Lord as he had called himself, glared.

"The Dark Lord Voldemort, of course!" Lily looked shocked, but either James was unafraid or he wasn't showing it too much.

"Well, we aren't going to hide you," Lily nodded, and Voldemort scoffed.

"What are you? Chicken-Minions?" he placed his hands in his armpits and, flapping his arms up and down, he walked in a circle around the pair a couple times. When he had finished, Lily retorted, while pointing to the shiny badge pinned to her robes,

"No, but we are Head Boy and Girl." Voldemort cursed under his breath.

"So you're Do-Gooder-Chicken-Minions. Well, I'll give you a choice: Hide me, or suffer." James and Lily looked at each other and found that each seemed to know what the other's answer was going to be.

"Never," The Dark Lord raised his wand, ready with, most likely, the killing curse, but then was interrupted as a voice floated down the hallway.

"Tom? Now where did he get off to…?" It was Professor Dumbledore. Voldemort's eyes widened in fear and he continued fleeing down the hallway, but stopped at the end of the corridor.

"I'll give you one more chance, Do-Gooder-Chicken-Minions," he spat, and then turned the corner; he was gone. Dumbledore seemed to think that Voldemort had gone the other way, because the Head Boy and Girl heard his footsteps and voice fade. They turned to look at each other, both bewildered and asked the same question.

"What the bloody hell just happened?"


	2. Chapter 2: The Leaning Tower of Pancakes

**Chapter Two:**

**The Leaning Tower of Pancakes**

Lily woke up the next morning, slightly in a daze. _That whole scene from the last chapter could not be real_, she thought to herself. _If Voldemort was really in the school Dumbledore would not have been so calm._ As she walked down the stairs to the Common room she noticed it was awkwardly silent. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew lay unconscious on the couch while Remus Lupin read in one of the chairs by the fireplace.

"What are they doing?" Lily whispered to Remus.

"Hangovers," he whispered back still reading his book. He looked up and saw Lily, and muttered, "Oh, dragon pox…"

"What was that?" said Lily loudly.

"Er…nothing," he responded quickly, for he was not usually known for cussing.

Lily walked over to James and kicked him off the couch. "Whah?" James moaned on the floor clutching his stomach.

"James Potter, do you have a hangover?" Lily snapped.

"Well…"

"James Potter! You're Head Boy! You can't be drinking!"

"Oh contraire, Lily. I just wasted myself last night and look at me; I'm perfectly fine," he said trying to stand up. He fell back down. James scratched his head, "Uh…well then…"

"'Perfectly' may be a bit of a stretch," Remus murmured from behind his book. "Hey Padfoot, Wormtail, wake up." Sirius groaned but rolled off the couch to join James on the floor. Peter remained fast asleep.

"Well, someone wake him up. Breakfast will be starting soon," Lily stated.

"He won't wake up for a long time," slurred Sirius. "He took one swig and was completely out of it."

"HE ONLY HAD ONE SIP!" Lily shouted. "HE CAN'T BE DRUNK IF HE ONLY HAD ONE SIP!!!" The three conscious Marauders looked at each other.

"Peter can," James said. "He's a little person and his sneakiness makes it easy for him to pass out." They decided to leave him there and go have breakfast. James and Sirius clung onto Remus for support. Luckily they did not run into anyone on the way there.

As usual, the Slytherins sat huddled together as if it were the ice age; Ravenclaws were not visible from behind their books and homework; Hufflepuffs quietly ate without socializing; and the Gryffindors talked noisily throwing food at everyone in sight. Lily spotted Alice and sat down next to her.

"Where have you been?" asked Alice while glancing down the table at the three Marauders. "And what's the matter with James and Sirius?"

"Nothing," Lily responded too quickly.

"They look a bit peaky," said Mary McDonald, Lily's other dorm mate. "And where's Pettigrew? He's always following them."

"Not recently. Remus told me that Pettigrew has been sneaking off lately. Alice, will you stop looking at Frank. You're so distracting," Lily said trying to change the topic. Sirius was stacking ten pancakes on his plate.

"Sorry, Lily, I can't help that I have a life outside of our friendship," Alice said. "You might want to try getting involved in life."

"Don't look now, but Snape is coming over here," Mary moaned. Lily hated it when Snape tried to talk to her as if they were still friends. Sure enough, when she looked over her shoulder he was walking toward the table. Sirius's pancake pile was growing and almost fell over when James stood up and walked over to block Snape.

"What brings you to our side of the hall today, Snivellus?" James said crossing his arms. He had gotten over his hangover by now obviously.

"We're all students, Potter. It doesn't mean that you own the Great Hall," sneered Snape.

"It doesn't mean you should bother people who hate you."

"You should take your own advice, Potter."

"Ouch," Lily heard Sirius say in her ear. She turned around to see him walking off with everyone else's plates. He added all these pancakes on top of his pile. It looked a lot like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

"Well," said James, "uh…"

"Don't say anything stupid," Remus warned James. James pulled out his wand.

"_Levicorpus_," he said flourishing his wand. Snape went flying into the air and knocked over Sirius's pancake pile that had just touched the ceiling.

"Like that," Remus groaned holding his books up to shield himself from Sirius's raining pancakes.

"My pancakes!" Sirius cried out. "How am I supposed to get more of them?" Lily heard a girl scream but realized it was Lucius Malfoy.

"Look out! It's raining pancakes!" he screamed. He wasn't exaggerating. Somehow when the Leaning Tower of Pancakes had touched the ceiling it had altered the weather. The rainy morning sky had now been replaced with pancakes that began raining inside _and_ outside. Pandemonium took over the hall and everyone ran towards the exits.

Then someone ran out from under the Head Table causing Sprout to scream. Voldemort ran in front of the crowd of terrified students screaming his head off. He swung open the doors of the Great Hall only to be met by an avalanche of pancakes. After digging himself out of the mess he continued running as Peeves decided to pursue him. Lily felt the hope that the last night's events had been a dream fade.

James let Snape go and Snape fell down into the sea of pancakes with more burying him. Lily escaped with her friends to the Gryffindor Common room. Peter Pettigrew stirred on the couch and sat up. "Hey guys. Did I miss breakfast? What did we have?"

Remus staggered in with a sobbing Sirius. "My pancakes! All gone! How could Snivellus do this to me!"

"Well," said Mary, "You kind of stacked them up so high that it was inevitable for them to eventually fall over."

Sirius glared at her. "You just don't understand. I know you're just jealous of my ultimate stacking skills. You never lost anything you loved! First Harry and now this!"

"Who?" asked Alice. She was soon distracted by Frank walking in with a pancake stuck on his face. Sirius let out a series of sniffles.

"MY GUINEA PIG!!!!" he wailed loudly, and he continued to sob, his knees huddled close to him. James walked into the common room, a solemn expression on his face.

"We're under lock-down, guys," he said. "Crazy V guy's got all the teachers worked up, so now we're quarantined. No one comes in, no one comes out." The Common Room was now completely silent from shock. James scratched his head again, fixed his glasses and then sat down next to Remus. He had a look of panic on his face.

"Uh…James?" he muttered as quietly as possible. "If we're under a lock-down, then I have a huge problem…" James looked at him funny.

"What's that?" Remus paused and whispered to him:

"I was supposed to visit my aunt tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3: Siriusbane Potion

**Hey, people, our adoring fans! We're finally going to update! Sorry it took so long!**

**Chapter Three:**

**Sirius-bane Potion**

"Oh. Well that's a problem," James said quietly. Remus looked as if he would break down. Yet the common room was the same lively room. If they had known that they were probably all going to die tonight they might have acted differently. "What should we do, Padfoot?" Sirius, having stopped wailing, sat there stunned as if none of this had had enough time to sink in yet.

"I should just go take my chances out in the hallway. I'd rather die myself then kill all of Gryffindor house," Remus replied bitterly.

"No, Remus," James responded. "Dumbledore wants us all to stay in here and that means you too. Your furry little problem makes no exceptions so stop being so bloody selfless. We just got to find a way to hide you and make you harmless." James paced in front of the fire while Peter sat there nervously eating boxes of candy.

"How do we make a werewolf harmless?" Peter whispered. James kicked him when nobody else was looking and Peter began to howl.

"Oh, no! Sugar arrest, sugar arrest!" James shouted over Peter's cries of pain. "We better take him up to the bathroom, right Remus? Sirius?" The other two boys shot up and helped James carry Peter up to their dorm before anyone could ask anything else.

Sirius slammed the door. "What were you thinking? You know you can't say the W word outside of this room! What if somebody found out?"

"I'm sorry!" Peter whined. "I'm just so worried that I forgot."

"It won't even matter anymore after tonight," Remus moaned. "Everyone will know." He went over to his bed and began to pack his trunk.

"Enough of this. Padfoot and Wormtail shut up. Moony, put your stuff back because you're not going anywhere," James commanded. "We need a plan."

"Well then, how do we tame a werewolf?" Peter asked apparently trying to think for once.

Sirius got a wicked grin on his face: an awful wicked grin that would have struck terror in even an atomic bomb. He slyly suggested, "You give the werewolf a _potion_ that will get him wasted."

"Oh, no," Remus responded quickly, "we are not going to get a werewolf wasted."

"But it's the only way, Moony!" James protested. "You'll be out like a baby and everyone will be safe."

"But what is everyone going to think the next morning!"

"Then we'll get them drunk too. We can have a party!" exclaimed Sirius. "Dumbledore won't even get us in trouble because we're saving lives. We could get service to the school awards! Everyone will have such bad hangovers that they won't notice a thing."

"What about the prefects? They wouldn't even touch that stuff."

"I know they've been dying to hardcore party for one night in their lives. They'll follow everyone else."

"Evans won't."

"Well then we do have a little problem and it's not furry." Sirius sat on his bed, scratching his head. Peter was sticking out from halfway under James' bed squirming to get in or out, it was hard to tell. "Hey, Pete, what are you doing?"

"Trying to get the double shooters… err… I mean, Mango Juice out for you guys. Would you like me to get cups? Or I could be a lookout."

"Alright, Pete, you can do my bidding in a bit. But first we have to deal with Evans."

James gave a wicked grin as he looked over to Sirius. "Leave that to me, Padfoot." He picked up a bottle from a crate under Sirius' bed and went down the stairs to the common room.

"Mango Juice? Out of all the fruits to pick you picked Mangos? Why not apples or lemonade?" asked Sirius.

"I'm sorry! It was the first fruit that came to mind," squeaked Peter.

"Anyway, let's hope Prongs doesn't get himself into too much trouble…"

OoO

Lily sat in the common room calmly reading her new book about centaur rights activism. Suddenly she could hear someone moving in front of her blocked from her vision by the book. A hand reached over and grabbed it from her and she could tell instantly that it was James Potter. "James, give me my book back."

"But why read when we could be celebrating?"

"Celebrating what?" she asked dreading to know the answer.

"Celebrating the life and death of Harry the guinea pig."

"You're kidding me. Black is throwing a party for his dead hamster?"

"Yep, and you're invited."

"Joy, but I've got reading to do."

"Please, Lily, please do it for Sirius. It would really cheer him up. He still wakes up screaming about Harry in the middle of the night!"

"I don't know…"

"Please!"

"Who all is invited?"

"Everyone in Gryffindor, including you, Alice, Frank, and Remus. Do you want some Mango Juice?"

"What?"

"Some Mango Juice. I just got it this weekend at Hogsmeade."

"No thank you. It's probably poisoned. Plus, Mango Juice doesn't come in bottles," she replied gesturing at the suspicious glass bottles labeled 'Mango Juice.' Black must have been up to some sort of prank.

"It is too Mango Juice. It's a specialty brand that only comes in stock every once in a while. It's real good," James said taking a swig from another bottle. Other kids were starting to travel over and were taking Mango Juice from the cartons. Remus Lupin came down from the boy's staircase looking around miserably with bloodshot eyes sticking out from his abnormally pale skin. He looked to be extremely ill. Sirius handed him a bottle of Mango Juice and Remus went back up to his dorm as if marching to his death.

Lily snatched her book back and placed it on a table. "Alright," she consented taking a bottle from the cartons, "but I'm only doing this so he'll stop whining about his pet whatever."

"Thanks Lily," he said patting her on the shoulder. The heat from his hand was still there even though he left to help Sirius carry more Mango Juice down from their dorm. She stopped thinking about it and joined the crowd.

OoO

James walked over to Sirius feeling relieved. "It worked," he stated. "Did Moony go back upstairs?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, "he made sure the room was secure and just came down to get a bottle from my pack. Hopefully he'll sleep like a baby."

"This might be a good strategy for every transformation. You should market your idea," James snorted.

"And get arrested for copyright issues and distributing alcohol to minors. An ingenious idea." It seemed as if everyone was ready. Peter slammed the door to their dorm and muttered a few spells that Remus had written down for him to perform on the door. He rushed down to join them, nervous and excited.

"Alright, everyone. You all know how dear our late comrade Harry the guinea pig was to our friend Sirius," James announced. There were many murmurs of consent from the crowd who had all been witnesses to some of Sirius' crazy nightmares. "Well, I propose a toast to Harry and to the hope that Sirius will let us sleep at night."

"But you've got to drink all your juice. That's the purpose of a Sirius toast. There's always more if you want some," Sirius interrupted. No one seemed to notice the evil sparkle in his eyes of a mastermind at work.

"So here's to Sirius and Harry."

"To Sirius and Harry," chorused the students. They all began drinking their 'juice.'

"This is strange tasting juice," Lily mumbled. Then she passed out only half way through her bottle.

"Odo! Odo!" slurred Frank Longbottom before hitting the floor with a thud. Other students began passing out all throughout the room as if they had all been hit by a plague.

"Gee," Sirius said, looking around in mild surprise at everyone. Nigel Quackenboss had taken a sip and now seemed to be quaking all over before slumping to the ground. "They sure don't know how to drink." The last part he muttered quietly to the other two Marauders present.

"Padfoot," stated James looking around at the now silent common room, "You're… a genius! It completely worked! Mate, wait till we tell Moony, he's gonna be so shocked," James was grinning now, he and Sirius seemed perfectly at ease, but Peter was looking around at all the bodies lying on the floor.

"I know! He really doubted it was going to work. This should teach him that we can be smart, too," Sirius replied and the two high-fived.

"Uh, guys," said Peter poking Alice with his wand, "I think they all died." James and Sirius stopped celebrating.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"NOOOO!!" James shouted, dropping to his knees and grabbing Lily. He cradled her in his arms. "Your life was too short!"

"Yep, they're definitely dead if she didn't slap him," Sirius muttered to Peter, then patted James on the shoulder. "It's ok, mate. The good die young and all that."

"What do we tell the teachers!" panicked Peter. "We'll be accused of murdering everyone in Gryffindor House besides Moony." James and Sirius both turned very pale at the thought of that.

"We'll be sent to Azkaban," murmured James looking off into space.

"I'm not having my life ruined," declared Sirius standing up. "We could say Moony did it. He got us into this mess. But then, that would defeat the whole purpose of hiding him, huh. I don't know about you guys, but I know I'd never betray any of you, right Prongs?"

"Right," James sniffed looking down at Lily's body.

"Right Wormtail?"

"Uh…yeah. Me betraying you guys would be just plain silly. Heheh," laughed Peter nervously. James and Sirius laughed at the ridiculousness of this statement.

"Well, we'll go down together," stated James. "What do we do now? Maybe I should just open that door and be mauled to death by a ferocious werewolf. Nothing's important, nothing matters now that Lily lies in eternal perfect sleep with her lips curled forever in a small beautiful smile."

"I think I'm going to puke," said Peter putting a hand to his mouth.

"I can't take much more of this," declared Sirius. Sirius ran up to where James had his hand on the doorknob and slapped him. "Pull yourself together, Prongs! Are you a true Gryffindor or not?"

James sniffed through his tears, "I-I am a true Gryffindor."

"Well then stop crying for Pete's sake!" bellowed Sirius.

"What? For my sake?" questioned Peter.

"Now I see why you guys get mad whenever I do that. James, go up to our dorm and get Moony's chemistry set. We're going to find out how they all died," said Sirius in a rather intelligent tone, the cogs of his brain working. A loud crash sounding like shattering glass resounded from their dorm. "Oh right. We have a werewolf in our dorm. Dorm is off limits. I think he found his Shakespeare collection." There was now the sound of ripping paper and the scratch of claws on wood floor. "Moony's going to regret this. Apparently the potion hasn't kicked in yet."

"We could steal Snape's chemistry set," declared James. "He owes me quite a bit after last year. Someone needs to go find it while we move all these bodies." Sirius and James both looked over to where Peter stood. "Peter, if you do this for us we will be eternally in your debt."

"I don't know," Peter replied giving a terrified look at the portrait hole.

"We'll reinstate your Marauder status," Sirius asserted.

"Okay," Peter agreed.

"Take the cloak," James said procuring it from his pocket. "Didn't want Moony to get it. DON'T LOSE IT OR YOU'LL LOSE YOUR MARAUDER STATUS FOREVER." Peter ducked under the cloak and scuttled out the door.

"Alright, we can do this without Moony's help," Sirius stated rubbing his hands together. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide and he began to quake. "James…"

"Yeah Sirius?"

"I just had a realization."

"What is it Sirius?"

"We're surrounded by dead people." The two of them screamed out in hysterics as the werewolf howled into the night.


	4. Chapter 4: Ingredients

Hellos people, by the way, this chapter has nothing to do with the plotline, but a joy anyway

Hellos people, by the way, this chapter has nothing to do with the plotline, but a joy anyway. This chapter takes place during Harry's third year so don't be confused. Hope you like!

**Chapter Four:**

**Ingredients**

"The Wolfsbane potion, which was roughly discovered around 1977, if brewed correctly, makes a werewolf perfectly harmless," Professor Snape droned on to his fifth year class. The Weasley twins and their friend Lee Jordan were currently doodling on a piece of parchment, the drawings mostly of large werewolves ferociously attacking Snape. "Now, can anyone tell me what the Wolfsbane potion consists of?" As Hermione Granger was not present, no hands were in the air. Then a grinning Fred raised his hand. "Yes, Mr. Weasley?" Snape asked, dreading the answer.

"Well, hmm… Oh, I've got a brilliant idea! The Wolfsbane potion is made of, let's see, Wolfsbane!" The whole class started snickering, but Snape silenced them with a look.

"5 points from Gryffindor for your attitude, Mr. Weasley." Snape sneered. "Yes the Wolfsbane potion has Wolfsbane, can anyone else tell me the other ingredient?" Once more, no one raised his or her hand. "Pity, I would expect better from my O.W.L. class."

Remus Lupin, the new the new DADA professor, who happened to be patrolling the halls near Snape's classroom, stuck his head in the, for once, open doorway. "Actually, the Wolfsbane potion consists of very little Wolfsbane. It is about 95 percent pure alcohol. Is that correct, Severus?"

Snape seemed to have to force out the next word. "Yes." Remus smiled at the shocked class, then walked away to continue his patrol.

"Wicked," the Weasley twins whispered to each. They both called out, "Professor Snape, can we—"

"No."

"Well, how about—"

"_No_."

"But what if—"

"NO! Ten more points from Gryffindor!!"


	5. Chapter 5: Complaints to Writing Staff

**Hey, it's time for the real story to continue. And no the last chapter was not a filler. And to compensate for our hiatus, we are going to attempt to post THREE chapters. Maybe...yeah right. **

**Chapter Five:**

**Complaints to the Writing Staff**

"Look at my new tool, minions!" Lord Voldemort yelled over the noise of several hooting owls above him as he waved a little black notebook with the words "Death Note" embossed on the cover in the air.

OoO

"Ohh…" groaned Lord Voldemort from his place on the floor. How had he gotten there? He stood gingerly, brushing straw and Merlin knows what off his robes. "Minions, I had the strangest dream. I dreamed the writers were stupid enough to write a crossover between Harry Potter and an anime." He seated himself on his chair, looking around. "Are any of you listening to me?!" No, they were not. Celebrating their victory over Potter had taken first priority to his Death Eaters at the moment as several of them drank and laughed merrily and Lucius Malfoy was using Wormtail as his dress-up doll.

"S-hic-sorry, my lord," Bellatrix slurred drunkily,** (Yes, we know that this isn't really a word…) **kneeling at his feet. "We're just ecstatic that we've finally succeeded in bringing about your enemy's downfall. Besides, that -hic- Evans was really annoying."

Severus Snape sat emolly in a corner writing depressing poetry. For Severus Snape was the master of depressing poetry.

"Come on, Sevvie!" called Lucius Malfoy gaily **(In both senses)**. "Join the party! I'll do you after Wormtail!" Severus Snape scooted further into the shadows of his corner, a horrified look on his face, after a slight misinterpretation. "What? Don't you want a makeover?" Just then, Lucius Malfoy was distracted because Peter was attempting to wipe the blush and lipstick from his face. "Wormtail, stop!"

"I'm gonna have to go in a bit, Lucius. I can't be wearing makeup!" the pitiful Peter squeaked.

As the party raged on and more and more owls left the Owlery for the safety of the cool night air, Lord Voldemort sat in his chair unhappily. Some people may call it brooding. Others might call it throwing a temper tantrum. But no matter what it was, the Dark Lord was about to reach a plot-changing and unexpected conclusion.

"STOP!!!" Voldemort bellowed over the laughing, the devouring of food, and the song 'Barbie Girl'. "Minions," he huffed, dropping back into his chair, "I believe we're getting ahead of ourselves. I don't think this is over."

"What do you mean, master? Lily Evans is dead, so Potter will not exist to defeat you." One Death Eater said, waving a dismissive hand drunkily.

"Do you really think so? Because all of you forgot one little detail," he sneered. Nobody seemed to notice what the Dark Lord was hinting at. Voldemort narrowed his eyes. "_It's only… chapter five_!"

The Death Eaters stared blankly (and drunkily) at the Dark Lord Voldemort. "What does that mean, my Lord?" asked Narcissa.

"No author ends a story at just chapter five or with a cliff hanger like this," Voldemort steamed while pacing back and forth. "I can feel it in my nonexistent nose. The writers will strike at any moment crushing our hopes and dreams causing an unexpected plot turn that will call for a sequel."

"Does this prequel to the sequel even have a plot, my Lord?" questioned Rabastan Lestrange.

"No it doesn't," snapped Voldemort. "Our writing staff is so incompetent that they didn't even have a plot before writing the prequel to the sequel." **(A/N: Oh, that is so it! This is war, Crazy V!!! Rawrz!) **Voldemort suddenly had an eerie feeling crawling up his spine and the room seemed to turn extremely hot. He turned around involuntarily and faced a suspiciously red owl. "That looks like a phoenix," he said drunkily. Then the bird spontaneously combusted, catching Voldemort on fire. "It _is_ a phoenix! Blasted writing staff, they incorporated Dumbledore!"

Death Eaters scrambled all around the Owlery putting out the fire and checking for any more surprise traps the writing staff might have placed there. Lucius Malfoy stuffed the baby Fawkes in a sack giving Peter the time he needed to clean his face. "I've got to get back to my dorm. Can I have your chemistry set, Snape? I promise I won't break it."

"Fine," replied Snape emotionlessly. "Not like anything could get any worse if Potter did get his hands on it." The Death Eaters all decided it would be best to leave Snape alone to sulk so they busied themselves with the task of finding a new hideout in the school…again.

But this was a dangerous choice on their part. '_Come on, Potter_,' Snape thought leaving his disorganized colleagues in the Owlery, '_if there is anybody who can save Lily then it's you_. _I'll have to trust you, for now_…'

OoO

"It's hopeless!" moaned James lounging across one of the armchairs.

"Get a grip, Prongs!" Sirius shouted back to him levitating another student up to their respective dorm. It had been long work but finally all the students besides Frank were in bed. Sirius was irritated because he had done most of the work while James had moped in the armchair.

The portrait hole opened and closed quickly and Peter came out from under the invisibility cloak. "I got it! I got it!" he puffed holding up a chemistry set. Sirius ran up to Peter and snatched the chemistry set and held it as if it were his first-born child.

"Peter, we are forever in your debt," said Sirius point blankly.

"Does that mean I'm a Marauder again?" asked Peter hopefully.

"Yes," responded James, "because we now know for sure that you'd never betray us."

"Yeah…" said Peter twisting his robes in his hands.

"Now, let's get to work," Sirius stated setting up the chemistry set. "How does this thing work?"

There was a knock at the door and a rather lighthearted voice that came from behind the portrait hole made their hearts sink. "Hello? Is anyone in here?"

"Oh shit, it's Dumbledore," breathed James.

**Haha. Cliffhanger.**


	6. Chapter 6: Maniacal Panicking

**Enjoy this chapter! (No Frank Longbottoms were harmed in the making.)**

**Chapter Six:**

Maniacal Panicking

"H-h-hello Professor Dumbledore," James said in an unnaturally high voice, "Fancy seeing you here!"

"Well, this does happen to be my school, and I wanted to ask you all a question."

"Oh, um, well then, ask away!" Sirius said from his current place of standing in front of the chemistry set.

"Well…" he started but then he noticed Frank lying on the couch. "What's the matter with Mr. Longbottom?"

Sirius, James, and Peter quivered in their socks and Dumbledore gave them an odd look. "Frank?" asked Sirius with a nervous laugh. "Oh he's fine, really. Just dandy. Poor bloke, studied too long for N.E.W.T.S."

"Mr. Black, N.E.W.T.S. are not until May. Surely you remember that?"

"Well… he just likes to be prepared," replied Sirius defensively. He began to hide Snape's chemistry set under the sofa.

"Perhaps he should go to the Hospital Wing…" mused Dumbledore out loud. James stepped in front of Frank.

"Oh-oh no, he's perfectly fine! Yeah, couple hours of good sleep and he'll be back to normal. He does that sometimes."

"Does what?" questioned Dumbledore.

"Falls asleep spontaneously," replied James. There was a rather loud thumping coming from one of the boy's dormitories.

"What is that?" asked Dumbledore while the tearing of fabric could be heard in the background.

"What was what?" replied Peter.

"That," stated Dumbledore after some scratching noises.

"Oh, it's just Remus'…pet…rabbit," strained Sirius. "It's rather demonic at this time of year."

"I'm not a fool. I have happened to notice that tonight is the full moon," Dumbledore responded curtly.

"Oh, in that case, it is Remus," James replied almost a little to happily. He was hoping that maybe if Dumbledore did discover that everyone was dead he would help defend them in court. "We were just joking."

"Of course you were. Please do keep an eye on him and if anything goes wrong, then alert me at once," instructed Dumbledore. There was a very loud thump on the ground and loud snoring came from their dorm. "What was that?"

"Hey it worked!" cheered Peter. He knocked into the table and glass clinked against each other, but he dived under the table and saved the chemistry set.

"What worked?" inquired Dumbledore, quirking an eyebrow.

"Come look!" exclaimed Sirius, bouncing up the stairs. James transfigured the door so that there was a peephole looking into the room. Dumbledore peered into the dorm, which by now was utterly destroyed, and saw a ball of fur curled up on the floor like a (rather big) puppy on a cushion.

"Mr. Black, I believe you might be on to something."

"What? That werewolves can get drunk, too?" snickered James.

"Actually, Mr. Potter, I was more thinking about the fact that you figured out how to tame a werewolf," Dumbledore countered. "On the thought of tame, I am wondering if any of you have seen my pet."

"Do you have a badly behaved rabbit?" questioned an intrigued Sirius.

"No, I happen to have a phoenix," Dumbledore replied. "His name is Fawkes, he's red and gold, about two feet tall on an ordinary day, and burning day yesterday."

"Oh," they all said.

"I want a phoenix," James muttered. "But no, we haven't seen him. Hope you find him."

"Well then, I must continue my search, be careful," Dumbledore said as he walked down the staircase and out of the portrait hole.

"Weird," said James as soon as the door snapped shut.

"What's weird?" asked Peter nervously, scratching his head.

"Fawkes missing, Dumbledore on edge, students-" Sirius paused to gulp, "dead."

"Lily!" James cried as he dropped like a rag doll into the nearest armchair, but missed in his overwhelming grief and landed on the rug.

Paying no heed, Sirius persisted in his musings. "Who could have orchestrated all of this?"

James lifted his head a little from the floor, glasses askew, and said, spitting out mothballs and cat fur, "Crazy V?"

"Exactly," Sirius replied, pointing at his best mate.

"I don't know guys, I mean-" Peter began, but was interrupted.

"Wormy, Wormy, Wormy," James said in a patronizing tone, "Crazy V is in this school, he hates Dumbledore, he's evil, he hates Gryffindors, and he's evil."

"How do you know he hates Gryffindors?"

"Well, he was a Slytherin, right?" James asked, standing and wiping dust off his robes with care.

"Yeah, but-"

"And his symbol's a snake-thing, correct?"

"Yeah-"

"See? Besides, he really hates Harry, and Harry's a Gryffindor." Sirius suddenly gaped; seeming to have realized the worst possible thing in the world had come true. At first, James thought perhaps Sirius had seen a cookie or something else stupid, and he was about to wave it off, when Sirius reached out and began to shake him like mad.

"Calm down, Padfoot, what's the matter?" he asked shakily.

"Harry! Ha-Harry!" Sirius gasped.

"What? _What?_"

"If- if there's no Lily, then there's no Harry, and that means-"

"Ahh, no! Me and Lily will never get married, and we'll never have kids!"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And you'll never get to be a godfather!"

"_And?_" Sirius managed to say.

"Ohh no. Harry will never exist…which means- well, in a manner of speaking- Crazy V will never have an opponent. Which means-"

"He'll be unstoppable," Sirius finished, with a mixture of horror and awe on his face. Peter was watching the two exchange words back and forth, head snapping from side to side.

"We have to save Lily," James said with resolve.

"For the sake of the wizarding world," Sirius added with a nod.

"And because she's really pretty," James said. Sirius glared at his best mate, while muttering a few choice words, and decided he deserved a smack upside the head.

"We need to get the inside scoop on the Slytherins' activities," Sirius stated firmly. "But first, let's test a saliva sample from Frank and see what killed everyone."

"That could take forever!" whined James getting up into Sirius' face. Sirius shoved him away.

"Calm down, calm down," Sirius said tranquilly. "Sirius the boy genius is here. It will only take a few minutes. Besides, we need to know what we're up against."

"What time is it?" asked Peter timidly.

"Time? The survival of the wizarding world is at stake, and you want to know the _time?!_" Sirius shrieked.

"It's about 1:30, Pete," James replied casually. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm just wondering when Remus will be back, that's all," said Peter. "It might help."

"Remus might not be up to functioning for a while, poor chap," chortled Sirius. "Speaking of Remus, Wormy, you get to wolf-sit him when James and I go spying."

"M-m-me? Alo-o-one? With a w-w-w-w-werewolf?" stuttered Peter. He attempted to run away, but Sirius and James each grabbed one of his arms.

"Pete, you're an Animagus. You're one of the safest people in the school right now," James reminded him. "And if anything bad happens, you can go and get Dumbledore."

"Alright," Peter relented.

"Okay, everyone shut up. I've got some work to do," Sirius announced and he began laughing like a mad scientist in his secret laboratory.

"Sirius! Shut up and get to work!" James hollered and the 'autopsy' began.

**If you are enjoying this story then try reading other fanfics from our account, such as: **_**Worst Nightmare**_**, for the parody types; **_**The Official Depressing Diary of Severus Snape**_**, for those who love (or hate) Snape; **_**Prongs and Evans: Take Two**_**, the original story; **_**Tonks and the Order of the Phoenix**_**, chronicling everyone's favorite young Auror, Tonks; **_**Metaphorically Invisible**_**, an AU story about Harry's unknown twin sister; **_**Just a Thinking Cap**_**, the life story of our beloved Sorting Hat; and our newest story **_**Because of the Dragon Tree**_**, the AU adventures of Ginny Weasley and her other classmates through the last year of the war and beyond!**


	7. Chapter 7: What's So Great About the 90s

**We're sooooooooo sorry to all of our fans!!!!! School year has been busy and the invisible sock and the black sock were in their school musical and had no life. So be thankful that we're finally updating now. Schedule should restart as normal now that it's summer.**

**Chapter Seven:**

**What's So Great About the Nineties?**

Narcissa had never quite been like her sisters Bellatrix or Andromeda. Andy had the nature of a straightforward, rebellious ox yet the cunning nature belonging to every Slytherin. She had never known any boundaries so when she ran off to marry that Muggleborn Ted Tonks it was no surprise to Narcissa. Bella, on the other hand, had the Slytherin ambition coursing through every vein in her body. Her sister was a dark beauty, but there was always something a little off about her. She did whatever the Dark Lord would tell her to do with a malignant nature for whoever was her victim. This left herself, the beautiful one as her peers called her. But Narcissa wanted to be more than just another pretty face; she wanted to be remembered as the greatest, better than even Bella. So when Voldemort called her to his office, she thought that now might be her chance.

Quietly opening the door to the Divination Tower, Narcissa crept past the unconscious and bound Professor Thimby and into the office. "Narcissa," drawled the Dark Lord, "please sit down." She took the swollen pink poof across the table-clothed desk. "Now, as I was about to say, I have an extremely important mission for you."

Narcissa's ears perked up. Had the Dark Lord finally realize that she had potential to enhance the group effort? "What is it, my Lord?" she asked eagerly.

"The other day I realized that a prized possession of mine was stolen while we were moving from the Owlery," began Voldemort casually. "There was this little furry thing called a 'Furbie,' if I can recall it correctly, that Severus brought back on his last time travels to the future. Unfortunately, Goyle sat on it at our last meeting shattering my poor Fif- I mean- crushing the ugly creature under his fat body. I quite liked the crunching noise so I wanted to replace it since the pieces were obliterated by that crazy kid, what's his name- Rabastan, I think."

"You called me in here to ask me to get a muggle toy from the future?" asked Narcissa skeptically.

"PLEASE! I CAN'T _LIVE_ WITHOUT MY FIFI!!!!!" cried out the Dark Lord gripping the sides of his desk. "It is very important," said the Dark Lord after calming down. "These little creatures can be taught to speak our language. The opportunities to use them as spies are limitless. I sent Wormtail out half an hour ago with the instruction to go get one, but he hasn't returned yet. Your mission is to go get a Furbie from the future. No questions asked. You are dismissed now. Take the Time Turner Bella stole the other day and set it for 1997."

Narcissa could not believe he had called her in for such a useless reason. She saw her dreams crumble around her as she snatched the Time Turner from in front of Snape's face.

"Excuse me, I was looking at that trying to figure out the balance between time and space, life and oblivion," muttered Snape darkly.

"Just hand it over and go back to being your annoying, smart-alecky self," snapped Narcissa, putting the Time Turner around her neck and winding it up. "Honestly, you favored ones don't know what it is to be at the bottom."

"You don't know what it's like being at the top," he murmured in reply as she vanished into the future.

OoO

"Hand me the butcher knife."

"What?!" yelped James looking up alarmed.

"Just kidding. But I'll need that Muggle-Lumos-Wand thingy," replied Sirius holding out a hand.

"I think they call it a flashlight, Padfoot," sighed James handing Sirius the pilfered object.

"How's Frank's saliva sample coming?" questioned Sirius.

"Well…" James stated, "The potion turned puce colored after I put the saliva in with the orange stuff."

"Hmm, I don't think that was supposed to happen," Sirius responded taking a quick glance at the potion's book he was using. "If he was poisoned it should have turned lime green; internal bleeding is red; choking is baby blue; cancer is purple-"

"I don't think cancer can kill someone that fast, Padfoot," James said shaking his head, his face almost splitting into a grin. "I don't think that any of these things killed him or the others."

"Then what do we do! This potion was supposed to check for everything that can cause death!" exclaimed Sirius. "Wait, did you say orange?"

"Yeah, so what?" inquired James.

"That was my orange juice, you idiot!" yelled Sirius, his eyes widening so that the red veins of tire stood out. "Now we're going to have to start over! Great job."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" groaned James in a frustrated manner. He glared at the offensive puce color, about to vanish it with his wand. He looked at it again. Was it…bubbling? And why did it smell like melted metal and burning wood? "Bloody hell!" He exclaimed. "It melted the cauldron!"

"Well get rid of it!" yelled a panicked Sirius. James jabbed at it with his wand and the contents disappeared. But it left a smoldering hole in the cauldron and table. "Ahh man," Sirius sighed. "Minnie's going to kill us."

"She already is if we don't figure this out in the next few hours," James grumbled irritably. "So, the orange juice and saliva caused a acidic reaction so strong it could burn through both wood and metal. What does that mean?"

A Month or Two Earlier In the Year…

Sirius had not been paying much attention in Potion's that day, as he always did not. He, James, and Remus already knew what they were learning, and quite frankly, Slughorn was incredibly dull and seemed to just hover and babble excitedly to Evans and a few other students in his 'Slug Club'. He and James had skipped out of those things after Remus had gotten near top marks on his potion's exam in first year and was not invited to join. At any rate, he usually spent the class eating food nicked from the Gryffindor table at breakfast, whilst lazily completing the assignment and teasing James that Slughorn had a thing for Evans. It was fun to watch his best mate glare and begin to concoct evil schemes to kill the Potion's Master and get Evans to go out with him. He stuffed an egg-cheese-and-bacon-on-a-bagel-sandwich (as it was more portable than pancakes and required no silverware), smirked as Slughorn stood behind Lily while peering down at her potion, and tilted back in his chair so he could talk to James.

"Hey Prongs, I think he's going to slip the ring in her potion today." He had meant it purely as a joke and attempted to take a casual swig of his orange juice so as not to ruin the effect with his laughter, but suddenly James pushed his chair forward in retaliation causing him to jerk his arms forward to stabilize himself. The contents of his orange juice jumped out of the goblet spilling into their potion. They both stared at it. Nothing happened.

"Phew," James sighed before relaxing in his chair. But that's when it started to bubble, and the air around them grew thick with the smell of burnt wood and melting metal…

The boys had received detention for 'purposely tampering' with a highly dangerous potion, and lost 20 house points each. Sirius had been rather thirsty as he looked down into the now ruined creation: Draught of the Living Dead.

Back to Present

"That's it!" He exclaimed, thrusting a victorious finger at the mess his best friend had accidentally created.

"What?" he asked, clearly thinking his only living comrade present had gone mental with stress.

"Prongs, remember the time I teased you about Slughorn and Evans? And then you made me spill the orange juice-"

"Into the potion? And we got detention and lost 20 house points each cause it burned through the cauldron?"

"Yeah!"

"No, I'd completely forgotten, you prat! But thanks for reminding me!" James stood from where he sat, probably to start some sort of fistfight, but Sirius stopped him, trying to get back on topic.

"Look, what was the potion that we messed up?" he asked. His best mate seemed to stop and think, turning his head slowly to the smoldering results of their test.

"Draught of the Living Dead…"

"Which means…" he trailed off. James jumped up and grabbed Evans (who he had refused to float up to her dorm, merely covering her with a blanket) by the shoulders again.

"She's ALIVE! We didn't kill her; she's just asleep! Merlin's tropical trousers, that's fantastic! So all we have to do-"

"Is create the antidote to Draught of the Living Dead and give it to all of them!" Sirius said, grabbing the book and flipping, reenergized, through the pages. "This isn't so hopeless after all!"

…**Yeah, um, sorry about the wait. We've run out of excuses. Next chapter will hopefully come sooner than this one.**


	8. Chapter 8: Flight of the Pineapple

Well, that last author's note was a load of crap. We're just lazy crap-for-craps here. So here we go.

**Chapter Eight:**

**Flight of the Crystallized Pineapple**

James and Sirius lay upon the carpet of the Gryffindor Common Room a few minutes later. "I'd forgotten that we didn't know how to make an antidote," moaned Sirius gazing at the ceiling.

"I'd also forgotten that we locked all our textbooks in with Moony. Really, the sixth year book is great and all, but it doesn't have the antidote," replied James. "Hmm, not good." The slamming noise of a door echoed through the gloomy tower, followed by quick footsteps and then a trip. Peter Pettigrew landed at the bottom of the staircase.

"H-he twitched!" whispered Peter while shaking.

"Peter, people and werewolves tend to move a tiny bit while they sleep. Don't worry until you see his eyes beginning to move," chastised Sirius with a wagging finger. "Go back and watch him. You're doing great."

"But you haven't even moved yet," protested Peter. "You said I wouldn't have to watch him until you guys left! What have you been doing?"

"It's Draught of the Living Dead, Pete," James explained excitedly. "We just need to make an antidote, but we don't know how." At this he groaned and laid back down on the floor muttering, "Lily, Lily, Lily…"

"Draught of the Living Dead!" exclaimed a voice. The three boys turned to see the resident ghost of Gryffindor House, Sir Nicholas.

"Sir Nick! What are you doing here?" asked Sirius while attempting to hide Snape's chemistry set once more.

"I'm the resident ghost! What do you think?" replied the ghostly knight.

"Well, you tend to chill in the hallway _all the time_. And I'm pretty sure that Dumbledore probably has you on patrol," answered James. "Wait, did Dumbles send you to spy?"

"N-no," stuttered Sir Nick. "He's just worried for your well-being."

"Worried about our well-being?" inquired Peter incredulously.

"Yeah, Nick. You're a pretty spotty liar. Plus, you don't even interact with us. Look at the Fat Friar. He plays chess with the Hufflepuffs. Even the Bloody Baron pops into Slytherin Common Room every once in a while… in the middle of the night… kind of wakes the Slytherins up… Haha, not so good," stated Sirius. "And the Gray Lady is bad just like you, so we'll just switch to Hufflepuff right now. Good luck with Remus."

"Now just hold on a minute!" exclaimed the resident ghost. "You can't just switch houses like that! It's- it's-"

"There's no rule for that, is there?" asked Peter quietly.

"Well then, I guess I won't help you," huffed Nick. "I could've told you where to get a book, or even an _antidote_…"

James attempted to grab the ghost by his Elizabethan ruff, but fell through seeing as Sir Nick was, in fact, a ghost. "Gah!" he yelped from the cold. Whipping out his wand, James said coldly, "Tell us where this antidote is! Right now, or I'll scurgify you into purgatory!!"

"You wouldn't dare," seethed the agitated ghost.

"I've got the candles for the exorcism ready!" shouted Sirius from across the room. "Peter…you shall be the pedestal FOR MY BIBLE!! Now hold still." Peter fled back to the dormitory, figuring his chances of survival were better off with a sleeping werewolf than Sirius the priest. The Bible Sirius had conjured reached the ceiling of the Common Room.

"Alright, alright! Let's not be dramatic," protested Sir Nick. "Let me help you. Really, the Headmaster would be here himself if it weren't for You-Know-Who."

"Crazy V!" exclaimed Sirius. "How is that going, anyways?"

"Not now," growled James. "Tell us about the antidote."

"Now, about a month ago, Professor McGonagall discovered that the Slytherins were drafting large amounts of Draught of the Living Dead in the Hufflepuff Dormitories. The First Years had been missing for quite some time, so as you can imagine, the staff was getting quite suspicious and all…"

"Go on," demanded James.

"Anyhow, she found Professor Slughorn out cold in his office. The Slytherins had been mixing the stuff in with his evening tea. Once she alerted the Headmaster about this, they ordered a whole stock of the antidote and stored it in Slughorn's personal storage," finished the ghost.

"This is all too convenient," muttered Sirius, pounding a fist to his forehead.

"All we have to do, is go waltzing up to Slughorn and ask for the stuff?" questioned James.

"Yes," responded Sir Nick.

"IT'S TOO SIMPLE!!!" shrieked Sirius. "WE CAN'T JUST DO THAT! WE'D BE FAILURES AS PRANKSTERS!!!!!!!"

Sir Nick gave them a strange look. "Is that a problem?"

"TO THE CEILING TILES!!!" screamed Sirius. "TO THE CEILING TILES!!!!!" Sirius wept.

"Calm down, Padfoot," stated James stoically. "I think I have… a plan…"

OoO

Sirius, James, and Sir Nick peered around the corner at the office door of one Professor Slughorn. "I can't believe we're about to do this," whispered the ghost. "Are you certain that this is the only way…"

"Yes," said James firmly. "It's the only way."

"It's the Gryffindor way," added Sirius brightly.

"Very well then. If we must, we must," sighed Nick. "Let's get to work. But I insist that this is a foolhardy plan." He continued to mutter to himself as he floated through the adjoining wall. Sirius and James waited with bated breath until Nick floated back out to them.

"Well?" asked James.

"It's on his desk as always. What did you expect?" replied Sir Nick with a flick of his transparent hand.

"And he's in there?" questioned Sirius.

"He just came back a few minutes ago! You two saw him go in!" yelled the ghost. The two Marauders shushed him and checked around the corner once more. The door was still shut and no one was coming.

"Alright then. It's now or never," stated James. He raised his wand and murmured, "Wingardium Leviosa!"

From behind the door there came a high-pitched yelp and a desk chair moved back. Slughorn's heavy footsteps graced the floor as he followed the flying object of choice.

"I'm opening the door now," said Sirius seriously. The door burst opened revealing Slughorn following a flying jar of crystallized pineapple. It moved slowly past their hiding spot and the Potion's Master never let his marveling eyes leave it. Unfortunately for him, this was just what they wanted. As Slughorn turned the corner, he fell right into the wheelchair once occupied by paraplegic Harry. Sirius waved his wand once again and the professor zoomed off, wailing all the way. James dropped the pineapple and looked smugly at his work.

"I can't believe it worked," groaned Sir Nick. "I can't believe it worked."

"Consider yourself a learned ghost, Sir Nick," responded Sirius, "for every prankster knows that he'd do anything for crystallized pineapple.

"I've got the antidote!" cheered James. Sirius and Nick whipped around and saw their accomplice with a wheelbarrow full of little vials. "Now let's go!"

"He moves fast, doesn't he?" asked Sir Nick.

"Only for the people he cares about," stated Sirius. They all walked off, finally feeling the night's tide turning.

All right, we have our Mt. Dew. We have our Cheetos. We have our Swedish Fish. We even have cake. We are going to stay up until we finish the prequel to the sequel!!

Also, news flash, there is a poll on our profile asking a very important question: If we make an audio series of our fanfiction and/or commentary, would you watch it. In other words, is it worth the effort? PLEASE VOTE.


	9. Chapter 9: The Dawn of Narcissism

**Okay… so about three years ago we said we would finish this story…**

**Then the epic hard drive crash of 2010 happened, and the parents of two of the socks left our stuff rot for half a year before fixing the poor compy. Then we found out all our data was lost. Next life proceeded to happen and two of us graduated.**

**It's a sad story. But for no longer! I, the Imaginary Sock, pledge to see this through to the end! But first, I will finish the chapter for my other story.**

**Okay I am back now. This is the long awaited for Chapter Nine of Something Silly This Way Comes. Hopefully it was worth the wait!**

**Chapter Nine:**

**The Dawn of Narcissism  
**

Peter Pettigrew sat cowering in rat form in the closet corner farthest from the door. He was terrified. Absolutely terrified. Sure, Remus had not woken up (yet), but it was bound to happen at any moment. Peter was not that lucky.

He had hoped as a young first year that maybe the luck, good looks, and charms of Sirius and James would rub off on him. That had never happened. Peter was doomed to always be the fat and slow (in many senses) one of the group. Even Remus was better looking than him, and Lupin was a werewolf! Peter felt that he should have at least been above a werewolf on the totem pole of Hogwarts social life **(A/N: biased bastard)**. Now he was going to die because of said werewolf.

Remus' tail hit the door, causing Peter to squeak pitifully. Sure, this had happened 68 times already, but it never ceased to scare him. It was because of people like him that the Muggle horror movies were even successful.

Since Peter couldn't be brave, he decided to plan ahead. He was the kind of guy who read the end of the horror novel before the beginning. That way he would always know that everything ended up okay (except for when it didn't; he would set the book down and cry for a week in these cases). It was under this mentality that he had joined the Death Eaters. Now when they came to knock on his door, he knew that everything was perfectly fine… unless it was Lucius. No man was safe from Lucius Malfoy.

There was a loud bang on the closet door. Peter gave out a high-pitched girly squeal- one that would always put him to shame. This was it. He was going to die as a werewolf snack.

He was pleasantly surprised when a half-clothed Remus opened the door. Remus was lacking the usual dark circles under his eyes that were usually present on his face after the full moon. In fact, he looked better than Peter could ever remember seeing him. He'd have to remember to spike Remus' tea with firewhisky before the next full moon.

Remus looked down at him. "Peter?" he asked.

Peter transformed back and hugged Remus around the legs, not caring that his slightly hung over friend was only in his boxers. "THANK MERLIN!" exclaimed Peter. He began to sob freely.

Remus looked at him and then at the room, obviously confused. "What happened here?" he inquired. "I can't remember… anything…"

Peter suddenly remembered their current dilemma. "Remus! It's awful! We gave everyone the double shooters, b-but then they died!"

Remus tried to back up in shock, but then fell since Peter was still awkwardly hugging his legs. "W-w-what?" he stammered. "Bloody hell, we're done for."

"But it was okay!" cheered Peter. "They're really only asleep."

"Alright?" questioned Remus.

"Because they'd all drank Drought of the Living Dead!" shouted Peter.

Remus tried to wrench Peter off of him. "We drugged them!" he yelled. "That's not good, Peter! It's almost as bad as killing them!"

"But Professor Slughorn has a bunch of the antidote in his office," elaborated Peter.

"Peter!" yelped Remus. "Could you stop giving me panic attacks? And let go of me!"

"So Sirius and James went to go get it," Peter finished explaining.

"Oh no," groaned Remus.

"What?" asked Peter nervously.

"Those two can't do anything normally," moaned Remus. He cradled his head in his hands. "They're going to mess this up somehow. I'm certain of it."

Peter was okay with that. It would give him more time to sneak back to the Death Eaters again. Now if Remus would only pass out…

Remus picked up a piece of paper stuck to his right foot. "What is this?" he inquired.

"Oh, well, you see…" said Peter shyly, "you kind of destroyed everything in the room."

Remus looked around at the wrecked four poster beds, the splinters that were once dressers, the feathers that were once pillows, the shredded fabric that was once curtains and clothing, and the scraps of paper that had once been his beloved Shakespeare collection.

It was a very sad day indeed.

"MY SHAKESPEARE COLLECTION!" shrieked Remus Lupin into the early morning air, his hands flung high above his upward turned head. "!"

oOo

Narcissa Black hated the future. First off, future traffic was even worse than present traffic. She had been run over almost five times as she tried to cross one of the main Muggle Roads to get into a stupid Muggle toy store. Furthermore, Muggle toy stores were way too bright and cheerful. She didn't want to take a picture with the creepy man dressed as a giraffe, but Narcissa was short for her age so she was forced to take a picture with him. Now she had a very unflattering photo of herself standing next to the two-faced giraffe.

Muggle children were even worse today than they were in her time. They were loud, obnoxious, lazy crybabies that were completely oblivious that she was shopping for an evil overlord. The children, unlike the giraffe, thought she was an adult. That was fine until one of them asked, "Where's your baby, lady?"

"I bet it's in her belly," whispered a second child.

"She ate her baby? That's not nice," replied the first child. They giggle profusely as their mother apologized over and over again. Narcissa had half the mind to pull out her wand and just kill everyone in the shop. All she wanted was a damn Furbie.

She finally found Fifi in an isle that was lined from floor to ceiling with the creepy creatures. As she walked into the isle the fiends woke up and began making noises at her. Narcissa ran into a shelf nearby out of fright, causing several of the creatures to rain down on her.

There was only one Fifi left. It must have been the most popular of its kind. No wonder the Dark Lord prized Fifi above all things. However, when she grabbed it, so did another hand.

Narcissa came face to face with her first arch-nemesis: Marge Dursley.

"Excuse me," said Narcissa, trying to be polite, "but I touched this first."

"Well I grabbed this first," snapped Aunt Marge. "What's a punk like you even doing in a toy store?"

"What's an old hag like you doing in a toy store?" questioned Narcissa angrily. "I don't see any children with you."

"It's for my babies," sniffed Aunt Marge, trying to rip Fifi from Narcissa's hands.

Merlin, the old woman was pregnant. Narcissa would have to remember to put Marge Dursley at the top of the Dark Lord's hit list in order to spare her future children. "Who the hell would want to marry you?" hollered Narcissa, pulling back.

"My dogs, you idiot!" bellowed Marge. "I'm a free woman and much better looking than you are!"

Narcissa gasped. She wasn't as vain as Lucius, but no one would _ever_ say that she was ugly, especially not an old hag with a fetish for bulldogs. "I happen to be the runner up for Miss Teen Wit- Wales!"

"Runner up to my ass!" yelled Aunt Marge. That was it. Narcissa couldn't take this any more

She kicked Aunt Marge into the nearest shelf with the heel of her boot. The woman flew backwards. When she knocked into the shelf it began a domino chain of falling shelves behind her. Narcissa heard the patrons of the store begin the scream and run away. She smiled in satisfaction and strutted away with her prize.

Marge, however, was not giving up easily. She grabbed Narcissa around the ankles, causing her to fall down. Narcissa fell on her hip to protect her face and Fifi. The Dark Lord would not forget her if Fifi was damaged. The hag reached up and tried to grab Fifi from Narcissa. She missed and grabbed Narcissa's long blond hair.

"Don't you dare touch my hair!" screamed Narcissa, repeatedly kicking the woman in the face. Aunt Marge let go, stood up, and charged at Narcissa. Narcissa dodged and stuck out her leg to trip the hag. This ended up working, and the woman crashed head first into the Bratz doll collection in the next isle. Even more shelves began to fall.

Narcissa flung her hair over her shoulder and marched proudly up to the counter. The Muggle man behind the counter asked for her money. She suddenly remembered that she didn't have Muggle money nor would she even. So Narcissa did what she had to do: she grabbed the back of the man's head and slammed it against the counter. She then stole a Hawaiian hula girl bobble head sitting on top of the cash register and cast a memory charm over the entire store.

Narcissa was feeling rather proud of herself. She doubted that Bella could have done a better job. Then again, Bella would have just killed everyone in the store and probably would have broken Fifi. As tempting as that last part was, Narcissa decided to be nice. When she was walking through a nearby park trying to find a place to travel back to her time without anyone noticing, she saw something rather odd.

It was a baby with turquoise hair.

Not only was it a baby with turquoise hair, but this baby was being held by a very familiar lightning-scarred boy with black hair.

It was Harry Potter. She had found the Dark Lord's arch enemy in the future. Narcissa looked down at the Time Turner around her neck. It said that it was July 1998. Making a mental note in her mind, Narcissa turned the time back to 1977. The Dark Lord would be most pleased by this turn of events…

**So, a leaning tower of chocolate-chip pancakes and orange Fanta is apparently more effective than the Mt. Dew was three years ago. Anyhow, this story has at least three more chapters to go, depending how pacing goes in the next chapter.**

**On a side note, would any fans of Prongs and Evans: Take Two be interested in me gathering the socks back together to do a rewrite/extended edition of the original story that started this series? I promise it won't take four years to write. XD**

**Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10: Follow the Feathers

**I have just realized that Dobby's Socks is reaching its four year anniversary! That's absolutely insane! To think that four years ago the Black Sock and the Polka-Dotted Sock came to me with the idea for Prongs and Evans: Take Two, thus launching our Fanfiction career. Anyhow, in honor of that upcoming occasion, I decided it was time to update Something Silly This Way Comes yet again. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Ten:**

**Follow the Feathers  
**

Sirius Black ran about the lower floors of the castle like a ninja. He even wore the hood of his robes low over his face so as to become more connected to the shadows from which ninjas came. Sirius was determined to be stealthy like a lioness but sneaky like a spider. James, on the other hand, was not in the spirit and only walked at a brisk face with the wheelbarrow, peaking around corners to make sure the coast was clear. Sir Nick had left them in order to divert the teachers out of their planned route, so the whole 'ninja' thing was quite unnecessary.

"Sirius," said James, "I think you're making more noise than you would if you just walked."

"I am a ninja," whispered Sirius. "You cannot hear me or see me."

"You're using your tie as a mask," replied James. "It's red and gold. Of course I can see you!"

"Shh!" hissed Sirius. "We must become one with the shadows, young grasshopper."

"Ugh!" groaned James Potter. He picked up his pace so as to leave Sirius-sensei behind. That's when he noticed a red feather.

"Hey Sirius," he called.

Sirius appeared suddenly in front of his face, suspended by ropes. James looked up to see that they came from an open ceiling tile. He couldn't fathom how his friend had managed to climb up there that fast. "Yes, James?" asked Sirius.

"Take a look at this," he responded. James picked up the red feather from the ground and turned it in his hands. After a couple minutes, though, it turned to ash. "Didn't that red feather seem familiar?"

Sirius looked wildly about. "It appears that our enemies may be around here," he replied to no one in particular. "Come out and come at me, but choose wisely."

"How would you know if they're our enemy or not?" inquired James. "I'm trying to say that I think that that feather belonged to Fawkes."

"Professor Dumbledore's phoenix?" questioned Sirius.

"Yes," said James. He was glad to see Sirius finally disconnect himself from the ropes. As he looked down the hall, he saw more feathers littering the floor. "It looks like it might have been burning day."

"That's true," agreed Sirius. He untied his tie so that he could speak more clearly. "Do you think we should tell Professor Dumbledore?"

"I don't know," stated James. "He'll know that we left the common room then."

"Good point," remarked Sirius. "There's only one thing to do then."

James nodded his head. "Let's go." He diverted from their planned route to start following the feathers.

oOo

"But I want to keep it!" whined Lucius Malfoy. "It's so cute and cuddly and-"

"The bloody bird will probably poke your eye out," growled Bellatrix. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Even if you and Narcissa are planning to get married some day, I'm not going to let her marry a one-eyed freak who likes to wear make-up."

Lucius gasped. "I am not a freak!" he exclaimed. "I cannot help that I'm absurdly good looking and that I like to perfect my appearance."

"Whatever," said Bellatrix. "You still can't have the bird, though."

Voldemort paced in front of the metal cage that now held the small phoenix. It was truly a dilemma. First off, he had always wanted a phoenix. They were so cool and powerful and immortal; everything he wanted to be. That also made him insanely jealous of the blasted bird, so he decided to scrap any plans of keeping it as a pet. Plus, the bird would probably fly back to Dumbledore if he ever let it out of the cage. That was definitely not a good thing. Then they'd have to move again. He was starting to get used to the Owlery, even if it smelled like owl droppings. Second, it would be hard to keep the phoenix in that small of a cage for long. Voldemort knew that the bird would grow rapidly, and before he knew it burning day would be just around the corner. There was a chance the phoenix could set his plans for world domination on fire. He didn't want to move them from their spot hanging on the wall. He was quite proud of his drawing of him taking down the Minister of Magic. Third, he knew that his only options were to keep it or give it back. Voldemort hated when his options were limited like that. Normally he could also just kill things, but the bird was immortal and he wasn't. This was a major conundrum.

He once again cursed the Writing Staff in his mind. "Blasted bird," he muttered. "Now what do I do with you?"

The door to the Owlery burst open to reveal Peter Pettigrew, panting and sweating like a dog in the middle of summer. "He's…awake!" he gasped. "He's… awake!"

"Who's awake?" asked a fifth year recruit.

"Lupin!" yelped Peter.

Lord Voldemort was amazed as all of his Death Eaters began to quake with fear. "What's the matter?" snapped the Dark Lord. "It's daytime! It's not like the filthy werewolf can actually infect any of you right now."

"That's exactly the problem, my lord!" cried Lucius. "Now that Lupin is awake, Potter and Black will actually be able to get something done!"

Voldemort felt his mouth drop open. "Merlin's most baggy befronts," he stated. "Is that their secret this whole time? You mean they actually haven't been trying so far?"

"I'm afraid not, my lord," stated Bellatrix. "Lupin will probably be able to trace back the potion to Severus now. Would you like me to go kill that filthy werewolf?"

"We can't do that," responded Voldemort. "Dumbledore will surely find me then. What's Lupin doing now, Wormtail?"

"Looking for something to wear," answered Peter. "He destroyed everything in our dorm room last night."

"Go with Snape and destroy any evidence of the draught, Wormtail," ordered Voldemort. "The rest of you, prepare for battle! Those stupid Marauders will probably be here any minute!"

"But why are we going to fight them, my lord?" asked the fifth year recruit. "If we just give them the bird, then they'll have no reason to fight us."

"Don't underestimate a Gryffindor!" spat the Dark Lord. "They're Do-Gooder-Chicken-Minions after all! Gryffindors don't need a reason to want to start a fight!"

None of the Death Eaters really understood what a Do-Gooder-Chicken-Minion was, but they agreed with Voldemort's theory on Gryffindors. Thus, as Snape and Wormtail left the Owlery they prepared for battle.

oOo

Remus was a bit worried. First off, Peter had disappeared when he had gone looking for Sirius and James. Knowing Wormtail's luck, he'd probably been caught by McGonagall. That left him to his own devices. The other thing was that he only had a pair of boxers and some shredded pants left. Oh, how he wished the laundry elf would just come and visit already.

The lone Marauder decided to take a look around the Common Room to see if Sirius had left any of his dirty clothes lying down there. Padfoot had a tendency to leave his belongings in the most illogical places, especially when he was drunk. Unfortunately, the only clothes down there were on the dead-looking members of Gryffindor House. It really was disturbing to see them all lying there like this. He picked up one of the empty bottles of double shooters and sniffed it.

"No scent," he stated. "It really must be Draught of the Living Dead."

He saw Frank lying on the couch still in his uniform from the day before. Remus hated to do it, but he took Frank's cloak. He couldn't go wandering around without a shirt on, especially if he was going to have to look for Peter. His dorm mate wouldn't even know the cloak was gone until he woke up, so he had plenty of time to return it.

Remus began to ponder how the double shooters had been tainted in the first place. James and Sirius had bought them from the Three Broomsticks down in Hogsmeade, and the double shooters were a specialty item of theirs, brewed by a close friend of Madam Rosmerta's. For some reason, he doubted that she or her friend had any vendetta against the Marauders or Gryffindor Tower. The location, though, also made the bottle easily accessible to anyone in the village or in the castle itself. Now as for the potion, it was a very difficult one that Slughorn taught to sixth year students. Remus really couldn't understand why, for it put the general populace in great danger, teaching a powerful potion like that. Then again, most people failed to brew it, except for…

"Snape," said Remus. He remembered the lesson quite well. Not only had James and Sirius destroyed the sample brew by spilling orange juice in it, but Slughorn had praised Snape for the next week. The man went on and on about how none of his students had ever succeeded in brewing the potion. Apparently Slughorn didn't know the boy's true intentions. Since Snape was involved, this could only mean that this was some sort of ploy by his gang of wanna-be Death Eaters, probably under the orchestration of Voldemort himself. **(Lupin is quite the detective. XD)**

That didn't solve any of his current problems, though. It appeared as if he'd have to go track Sirius and James down to get the antidote himself. Remus opened up the corridor to the hallway. It was as quiet as a tomb. He paced cautiously down the hall, thinking about where Sirius, James, and the antidote would be. When he walked past a tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy for the third time, he noticed a door he hadn't seen before. Against his better judgment, Remus decided to open it. For the first time in his life, he didn't regret it.

In the middle of this new room sat a wheelbarrow filled with some kind of potion. When Remus picked up a bottle he saw the label read, _Antidote for Draught of the Living Dead_. He couldn't believe his luck. Apparently his friends had left the antidote there for him to find. The only question that remained was where they had gone off to. Remus pushed the wheelbarrow back to Gryffindor Common Room, not noticing how the new room vanished behind him.

oOo

James stopped in his footsteps and looked down at his empty hands. A horror-struck look spread across his face. "Sirius!" he cried. "Where did the wheelbarrow go?"

Sirius replied, "You have it. Don't be silly…"

They were now both looking at his empty hands. It was really depressing. "It was here five seconds ago!" shouted James.

"How the crap did you lose it?" asked Sirius, looking around furiously. "Where did it go?"

"Hell if I know, mate," responded James. He ran a hand through his unruly hair. "What do we do now?"

Sirius stood still and thought. It was an impressive sight. James had never seen his friend think so hard. "There isn't much we can do now," said Sirius. "I think we're going to have to ask Dumbledore for help at this point."

"You're right," groaned James. "I was so focused on Fawkes' feathers, though, that I didn't notice it disappear. Do you think one of the Slytherins summoned it away?"

"I don't know, mate," stated Sirius. "All we can do now, is keep searching for Fawkes. Maybe Dumbledore will forgive us for almost killing everyone and leaving the Commong Room then."

"Good plan," agreed James. With that, they continued to follow the trail of feathers.

oOo

Lily Evan's eyes blinked open. She noticed several things. It was very bright out, she had a horrendous headache, and someone was propping her up. Lily thought back to the night before and remembered the beginning of the party. She had accepted some sort of drink from James, and then… well, she didn't remember anything. Apparently she was really bad at holding her liquor.

"Lily," said someone. "Lily, are you okay?"

She looked up and saw Remus Lupin holding her up. He was wearing nothing but a robe and some badly torn pants. Lily had never seen him walking around without a shirt before like the other guys, so he eyes were immediately drawn to what looked like scars on his chest. Once she realized she was doing this, though, she became very embarrassed.

"Y-yeah," she stammered. Remus sighed in relief. Lily looked up at his face. "What happened?"

"It's a long story, but to keep it short, the Death Eaters spiked the drinks with Draught of the Living Dead," explained Remus.

Her eyes widened. "How did they get a hold of that?" she inquired.

"I have my theories, but nothing's certain," stated Remus. "I think James and Sirius went looking for them."

Lily sat up suddenly, although her head was spinning. "Those idiots!" she exclaimed. "Voldemort is here! Do they want to be killed?"

"That's why I woke you up first," continued Remus. "I need someone who's reliable enough to administer the antidote to everyone else."

"You're going after them?" she asked.

"Yeah," replied Remus. "Someone has got to do it, so it might as well be me. I'm the only one left who wasn't knocked out all night."

Lily vaguely wondered where Peter had gone off to. Then she thought about something else. "What did you do then, Remus?" she questioned. "I mean, your clothes are all torn up. Don't you want to change first?"

To her amazement, Remus turned pink in the face. "W-well, um…" he stuttered. "This is k-kind of all that I have at the moment."

"What are you talking about?" she inquired. "What did you guys do?"

She walked up the stairs to examine the Marauder's dormitory, Remus protesting all the way. When she looked inside she saw what Remus meant. It really was completely destroyed. If she wasn't so confused, she might have been angry or even impressed, but she pushed all thoughts aside. Then, a brilliant idea came to her. She couldn't believe Remus hadn't thought about it.

"Well, aren't you going to fix it?" she asked.

"What?"

She looked at Remus Lupin in disbelief. "Are you a seventh year or not?" she questioned. Lily pulled out her wand and began to cast various spells and charms. In a few minutes, the room was back to its old messy state, and Remus' pants were no longer riddled with holes.

Remus was even more embarrassed than before. "Thanks," he mumbled. "I forgot about my wand. I'm not even sure-"

She summoned it before he asked. It came zooming out from under a floorboard near James' bed. "I think you're a bit more out of it than I am," she stated. "Let's wake someone else up to administer the antidote. Then we can both help Sirius and James."

"Alright," agreed Remus.

**It's coming! The clash of the titans! Everyone is headed into the fray! Who will emerge victorious? Tune in next time. ;) Please review!**


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